#24 - Go unicorn yourself

Uh... Right. Well, it has come to my attention the number of words I use that don’t actually mean anything.
I mean, like, for example, already, within these two sentences, there have been numerous occasions in which I could have done without some words, you know?
To show this, I have very helpfully put them in purple.

Um. So. Yeah.

In fact, I could have a whole conversation with a friend, in which nothing remotely interesting is said:

Me:      Hey.
Friend: Hi.
Me:      How are you?
Friend: Good. You?
Me:      Good.
Friend: Cool.
Me:      Cool.
Friend: So.
Me:      Yeah.
Friend: Um.
Me:      Right.
Friend: Well.
Me:      You know that thing…
Friend: Oh yeah.
Me:      With the thing?
Friend: Yeah.
Me:      It’s so cool.
Friend: Yeah.
Me:      Cool.
Friend: Cool.

It’s not just in conversations that meaningless words are used, I even write awkwardly.

As in all those ‘um’s and ‘so’s and ‘yeah’s… and all the countless ellipses that I use...

I know what you're thinking:
"Stupid girl, why doesn't she just delete those awkward bits?"

And my answer would be... well… ahem. Let's replace some words with the word 'unicorn', in which case my answer would be:
"Well, unicorn, I write as I speak, so shove it up your unicornhole and unicorning deal with it, you son of a unicorn*."

In that case, I would have contradicted myself there by having written unicorn so many times, which is not my usual swear word of choice, therefore I do not write as I speak... Ah well. Deal with it.

Kevin, the manly unicorn.

*An alternative version, for the more innocent among you:
"Well, my dear, I write as I speak, so shove it up your pothole and kindly deal with it, you son of a lady."

And of course, the title isn't rude. "Go help yourself."
[Woah, that took me an insanely long time to find a reflexive verb that wasn't weird (examples included: hit, clean, kill... love...)]
"Go help yourself", as in "Go help yourself to some more cake, my dear".

Go unicorn yourself to some cake.