#17 - My complex

My spider senses are tingling. I sense this may be a serious-ish post. Maybe. Meh, we'll see how it goes.

Ever since I was little, I've had this weird psychological thing.
I don't know how to explain it, but I always feel guilty. I'll demonstrate this by an incident that happened when I was about eight.

I was in class one morning, and the teacher announced that someone's pencilcase had been stolen. Everyone gasped and started whispering. I gasped in my head, but not aloud.
The teacher shushed us, and we fell silent.
She then scrutinized us, eyes screwed up, pacing about the classroom.
I immediately felt guilty; I remember thinking that I had to act normal so that no one would suspect it was me, even though it wasn't. So I copied the people around me and acted like them.
For about a week, no one discovered who the mysterious thief was. Everyone was whispering and hypothesising. No one trusted each other.

OK, I know, we were eight and it wasn't a big deal.
Oh but it was.
For us.
We were eight.

Anyway. Eventually they found out who it was, and she probably got her punishment; I don't know, I didn't really care.

The point is, even now, I feel guilty for things I haven't done. I'm always aware of how I should act in different circumstances.
The latter point is to do with my social ineptitude, but as for the former, I don't understand.

You know how your parents have really strong influences over your psychological development?
Maybe it's them.
Meh, whatever. No logical explanation has appeared to me, so I'll just blame it on my parents.

1 comment:

  1. Omg, I feel the same!! I try to act innocent even if it's not me ><


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